I’ve seen some messed up, crappy films in my time, but holy hell, I have never seen anything quite as bad as Santa And The Ice Cream Bunny. I don’t think it’s even possible to find a worse film than this abominable thing. It’s truly unique. I therefore have no problem recommending it to fans of cheap and numbing bad movies. Okay. So. The film actually has a plot. It has several plots. It begins with Santa’s sleigh getting stuck in the sand on a hot beach in Florida just days before Christmas Eve. The traitorous reindeer then fly home to the Northpole without him. So the rather sweaty Saint Nick sends a weird telepathic message to the children who live there by singing a rather creepy, psychedelic song. The kids bring their pet animals and frantically try to help him out of the sand. But it’s no use. Not even the gorilla can do it!
While Santa waits for assistance he cheers the kids up by telling them an insanely boring story of Thumbelina, which is a separate hour-long shit-fest that has nothing to do with the film. Heh, it even has its own credits! Eventually, when Santa’s tale of the annoying “Fiddle Dee Dee”-singing Thumbelina is finally over, an Ice Cream Bunny shows up in a red fire truck! Which brings me to a question; Who the hell is The Ice Cream Bunny? Is it an alias for The Easter Bunny? Well, who ever this crazy bastard is, turns out he’s an old friend of Santa’s, so he decides to help him out. I’m not going to reveal if the bunny manages to save the sleigh or not. Afterall, I don’t want to ruin the epic ending for you if you’re actually going to defy all odds and expose yourself to this shit. The film is like an insult to the holidays, and I have never seen a clearer definition of cinematic pollution. And the fact that the damn thing is primarily intended for children, makes it all the more frightening. Trust me, do not show it to your kids. It will inflict brain damage on them. It’s really that bad. Still, when it was over, I wanted to give it a sympathetic hug and say, “I know you’re ugly, but dammit, it’s Christmas”.
Release year: 1972
Director: R. Winer
Starring: Jay Ripley as Santa