Published On: Mon, May 13th, 2013

Confused, gut-munching french guys: CANNIBAL TERROR review

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Oh man, this is the lamest cannibal film ever. I think I’m in love. Cannibal Terror (1980) is worth seeking out if you’re a sad, pathetic bad-movie-fan like me. But you really have to change your way of looking at movies to really enjoy retarded shit like this. Okay ladies and gentlemen, here’s the plot: Three criminals kidnap a young girl, escape into the jungle (The “jungle” setting is hilarious – it’s obviously just someone’s garden) and end up being pursued by goofy looking natives. This weird, French cannibal movie is nowhere near as graphically violent as Italian cannibal movies, and most of the flesh eaters are caucasian with Elvis sideburns and beer-bellies.

This shithole of a movie was banned in Britain as one of the original Video Nasties, but I wonder if the director was serious about this crazy film or he actually intended to make the funniest comedy of the decade? Who knows..?

Anyway, Cannibal Terror is so embarrassingly bad it sucks the life force right out of you – and the evil, scary cannibals in the film do nothing but bring a smile to your faceThe only way they could possibly have made this film any cheesier is if they had the cannibals suddenly doing song & dance numbers. I liked this film (despite the low rating) and I loved the upbeat synth version of “La Bamba”In other words: Do not take this review seriously, and certainly do not take the film seriously. It’s boring with lots of boring crap in it, but you should check it out if you enjoy bad movies. Trust me, they don’t get much worse than this. And right now I’m sitting here admiring the cool DVD cover art – and there’s a creepy voice inside me saying: ‘Watch the film again, you idiot!’ It sounds like a good idea at the moment. I need help, this shit can’t be good for me.

Release year: 1980 | Country: Spain/France | Director: Alain Deruelle | Buy movie: DVD